How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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