Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
