i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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