I think im going to throw up on grandma
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
