it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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