do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
