when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
