I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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