just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
