I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
