you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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