I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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