apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
