Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
