yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
