My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
