please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
