Have you finally orgasmed yet?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
