My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Be still, my beating vagina.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
