so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
