Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
