u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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