just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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