i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
