Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
