watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
