last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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