Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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