Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
