I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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