She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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