You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
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remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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