I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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