I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
