Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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