battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
