i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
