I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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