It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
