I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
