my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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