Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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