the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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