There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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