He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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