Need sex. Gaining weight.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
