I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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