this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
