my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize