Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
