Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
