you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH