Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.