i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
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I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.