u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
