I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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