I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
