I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize