Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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