everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
