umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
