not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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