Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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