well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
