Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
