I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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