Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
