She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
