My first STD was from a foam party
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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