So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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